Sex appeal!

This is something I don't have. I wish I did, but I'm a total and complete dork. I'm naturally flirty, but when I actually try to flirt because I find a guy I like I fail miserably.

I'm not exactly sure what makes a person sexy, but I'm pretty sure hoodies and tube socks are not it. And since they're not, whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I don't have it.
I've drawn a comic to illustrate this.

Here's the situation:

I ordered something online (probably something lame like toys or a t-shirt) and the mailman is HOT!


Here is how a sexy woman would handle seducing him:

Or at least that is how I assume it would go. As previously stated I am not sexy and wouldn't know. This is more of a guess on how it would go based on movies, and things I've heard about porn.

Anyway, she gets the guy through her bold use of boobies and see-through clothing.  You go girl!

Here is how I would handle this:

Yeah... didn't work out as well.

I'm not even saying this because I have low self esteem! I have proof!

Case 1: Nearly all of the men I've dated have been creeps or jerks. The only good relationship I've ever been in is the one I'm in now!

Case 2: I only seem to attract creeps and jerks. I'm being dead serious on this one. I get hit on all the time by old smelly drunks. I've even had a couple stalkers. None of those people were ones I was attracted to.
 In fact, I've never been hit on by I guy I've been attracted to.

Case 3: The men I'm attracted to never like me back! I love sweet guys who are fun to be around. A stark contrast to the men I mentioned in case 2.

Lucky for me I have an amazing boyfriend, because left to my own devices I would probably end up picking a the least losery loser I'm so prone to attract.

Oh! Just a disclaimer to my friends who I've made things for:

I'm not trying to seduce you! Unless I show up to your house in briefs and tube socks, I'm just trying to be friendly.

After all, I'm a die-hard crafter!


UPDATE:

My boyfriend theorizes that my lack of sex appeal to the type of sweet little guys I like may be due in part to the fact that I'm funny.

I thought a sense of humor was important!

Apparently the guy likes to be the funny one, and does not appreciate the girl stealing their spotlight.
The fact that I do lumps me in as 'one of the guys'.

Could this really be true?
I was a very insecure child, and did not think highly of myself so I learned to be funny... And now you're telling me my strength is a weakness?

This sucks!

Do any of you have any theories of merit? Any opinions on the subject of what makes a person sexy?

Let me know in the comments!